Sunday, June 20, 2010

Dear Dad,

My roommate and I both forgot to check the mail yesterday. When I got home from work today he went out to get Saturday's mail and waiting for me was the check from your finally settled estate. It's been 1 year, 8 months and 22 days since you died and now it's finally finished. I'm sure I don't even have to say how perfect it is that I am getting it on Father's Day. And of course it's not about the amount of money. It's about the fact that this chapter of your post-death business is now closed. I don't have to wait and wonder and call the lawyer and Uncle C or feel like there's this dangling piece, this moment that needs to end but won't resolve itself. I don't know if there's such a thing as complete closure when someone so loved dies. But there has now been closure in this specific area. And I am so grateful for it I don't even think words capture it.

Thank you for your generosity, Dad. And for your love. If I could have you back I would tear the check up in a heartbeat.

I love you,


Moriah said...

Dear C.,

I stumbled on your blog somehow after watching a clip from my favourite part in "Antie Mame" (what's wrong with Muriel Puce?!")... I don't spend much time surfing the internet, and even less reading blogs, so the 'coincidence' of finding your words here strikes me as more than that. I wasn't expecting to be confronted with such an honest outpouring of feeling that I can relate to almost 100%. My father was killed in an accident a little over three months ago. Since then, I have been feeling all of the things you've expressed here. I wish that I could speak more freely about his death to friends, in social situations, even to my family. His absence is such a huge part of my experience now, and the lack of true understanding is an incredibly lonely thing. So, I just wanted to say '"I understand." And also, "thank you." Thank you for providing me with a feeling of connectedness and understanding. I hope that you continue to write these letters. As for me, I'm going to begin.

Much respect,

Dear Dad said...


Thank you so much for your kind, heartfelt response. My apologies for not publishing it sooner - I had to step away from the blog for a bit as it's a pretty emotional and difficult project to work on. But I am glad to know it touched you and I am so sorry that you're having to deal with this kind of loss as well. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts, I appreciate it so much.